I gather that his department grooming standards requires him to wear a funny mustache — fortunately for him, he’s not been moved to the Division of Funny Walks — and he doesn’t like people taking pictures of it. He figures that the pictures will end up on a blog, and folks will point their fingers and jeer at how funny the goofball looks.

Asking somebody not to take his picture is just fine; asking somebody who has got the embarrassing evidence of his goofballness . . . ditto.

But if he wants to get involved as the top in some bondage stuff — and, hey, each to his own; not a problem — he really does have to locate some adult, consensual parties and do it on his own time, not troll for involuntary victims while sucking at the public teat.

Just as an idle thought . . . somebody with an unusual name like, say, “Starling McCloud” should be particularly careful to avoid making himself famous for being a thuggish goofball; doesn’t make for very happy googling.

Which, I guess, maybe okay for Starling McCloud; goats, after all, probably don’t google, so maybe he’ll still be able to get a date.