Andy Nolen, “Lawyer” [Updated Again]

 Posted on August 17, 2009 in Uncategorized

Okay, let's play "one of these things is not like the other things," Houston criminal-defense lawyer edition.

Ready?

1. John Floyd.

2. Jack Carroll.

3. James A. "Andy" Nolen.

4. Don Becker.

5. Tyler Flood.

6. Wayne Hill.

Which of these things just doesn't belong?

If you guessed "Andy Nolen", you're right.

Because John Floyd, Jack Carroll, Don Becker, Tyler Flood, and Wayne Hill are extremely competent, talented lawyers who have tried criminal cases? It's a good answer, but not the one I'm looking for.

Because John Floyd, Jack Carroll, Don Becker, Tyler Flood, and Wayne Hill are the kind of criminal-defense lawyers you want on your side when you're forced into bet-your-freedom litigation? Also a good answer, but again, that's not it.

Because John Floyd, Jack Carroll, Don Becker, Tyler Flood, and Wayne Hill are honest men who can get hired without playing blatantly deceptive advertising games? Closer, but still not it.

Because Andy Nolen is the only one who has won a Defending People Asshat Lawyer of the Day Award? Getting warmer....

Okay, okay: it's not really a fair game. What I was looking for is this: Andy Nolen is the only person who got five stars from this guy when he left 13 lawyer reviews on July 19th.

Here's the guy's review of John Floyd, whom he gave one star:

Not sure what to say?Take a look at our Review Guidelines first.Keep these tips in mind:Write like you're telling a friend about your experience. Give specifics and helpful details.Write fairly about the business or service. Don't include personal information about the owner or establishment.Do not use profanity, and do not include your own

Oh, and since he seems to have screwed that one up, he also left this review for John:

Thank God this man isnt defending people on death row, the price of rope would have doubled by now

Here's his review of Tyler Flood (also one star):

Write fairly about the business or service. Don't include personal information about the owner or establishment.Do not use profanity, and do not include your own email, phone number, or other personal details

Here's his review of Wayne Hill (one star):

I'm not sure I would really recommend this firm. Definately not the cheapest. My wife suggested that I don't bother to comment, but I feel that's my right after I paid.

Here's his review of Jack Carroll (one star):

I just don't feel that my offense got taken seriously enough by these guys. My future is no laughing matter espescially now adays with the economy tight and these guys being OVERPRICED like that. I worked too hard to keep a roof and car to just loose it all. Get somebody better.

Here's his review of Jack's partner Don Becker (one star):

Wanted way too much money, hired someone else. Waited for return calls which i never got, seemed disinterested in me.

And here's our anonymous friend's review of Andy Nolen:

...the painful truth is that there are literally hundreds of choices for criminal defense in the Houston and Harris County area, I can simply tell you that when our family was in dire need of fast and affordable legal service, Mr. Nolan responded immediately and got the results we needed. I would recommend him to anyone in trouble period.

Anyone who knows any of these lawyers knows that there is no possible way that these reviews are true. People who have hired Wayne Hill do not then go and hire Andy Nolen (though they might well go in the opposite direction).

Who is responsible for this nonsense? The legal principle of viaticum sequere gives us the most likely answer. That Andy Nolen needs fraudulent reviews (of himself as well as of actual criminal-defense lawyers) as well as the rest of his repertoire of sleazy, deceptive, manipulative advertising speaks volumes not only about his character, but also about his ability.

Or, more precisely, his lack thereof.

[Update: For more on Andy Nolen, see:Houston criminal-defense lawyer Paul Kennedy: I'm calling you out, Andy Nolen.Houston criminal-defense lawyer Cynthia Henley: Thinking about hiring Andy Nolen – let's put it this way – you better shop around...Miami criminal-defense lawyer Brian Tannebaum: In Houston, Criminal Defense Lawyer Andy Nolen is the Best. Everyone Else Sucks.Houston criminal-defense lawyer Murray Newman: When We All AgreeHouston criminal-defense lawyer John Floyd: Houston Attorney Andy Nolen: A Dishonest Lawyer?Houston DWI Lawyer Dane Johnson: New Lows in Lawyer Marketing – Andy Nolen's style The Further Adventures of "Lawyer" Andy Nolen The Continuing Adventures of "Lawyer" Andy Nolen Andy Nolen: Total Fraud? Andy Nolen: Today's Last Chapter]