Dear Texas Legislative Republican Cretins

 Posted on May 13, 2011 in Uncategorized

Who should decide whether your children may be spanked while at school?

1. Your national government;

2. Your state government;

3. Your local government;

4. Their teachers; or

5. You?

Republicans in the Texas Legislature think the answer should be "your local government." Allowing you to decide whether teachers are allowed to spank your children, in their view, represents "big government intrusion."

Okay, Republicans, let's review: parents are not government. You have been saying for decades that parents, and not government, should be in charge of children's moral development. And now you want to put local government in charge.

Look, if I tell my kids' school principal that if some teacher hits my children I will rain indelible public humiliation on him his family to the third degree of consanguinity in every direction, that's not "big government intrusion"; it's just a friendly word to the wise. You want to prosecute me if I have to carry through on the promise? Fair enough; I know how much you people like to prosecute people. Under your reasoning, though, a law allowing parents to home-school their children would represent "big government intrusion." It's not. Big government intrusion is not "me raising my children as fulfilled and successful leaders and members of society who will treat your children with far more compassion and respect than your children, the whipped serf offspring of morons, deserve."

Big government intrusion is the government telling me, in any way, how to achieve that task.

Democrat Mike Villarreal of San Antonio gets it about right: "This is the most hypocritical (local-control argument) I have ever seen you make." By opposing parental control, Republicans, you reveal your true agenda: not freedom but totalitarianism in the name of conservatism. You pretend that there is some magic in state and local government-that government becomes more benign the closer it gets to home. You love local government control, but local government is just as likely to steal your freedom as the state or national type. Often moreso, since local government agents are right here.

Rep. Phil King, R-Weatherford, and two other Republican lawmakers talked about the lickings they took as students. King said they "made a difference in my life." Zedler remembered vowing not to skip classes – in between his second and third swat.

Honestly, Messrs. King and Zedler, I'm not sure you should be using yourselves as corporal-punishment success stories, since you're obviously highly stupid. But maybe that's your point: "look at us; we should be serving time in a prison for the criminally vapid, but instead, thanks to the magic of spanking, we're in the Texas Legislature."