More Great UTMB Ideas

 Posted on June 19,2010 in Uncategorized

I've been thinking more about University of Texas Medical Branch's practice of renting out mentally ill prison inmates for cops to practice their phlebotomy against, and it seems to me that UTMB, TDCJ's medical services provider, is missing out on several other great opportunities to make money on the backs of "consenting" (consent is easy to obtain in prison-just offer a little extra privilege, something to make the time pass, to those who do what you want, and withhold a little privilege from those who don't) inmates:

1. Kidney farm. And retina farm. And plasma farm. And bone marrow farm. (The last two are renewable resources, which the "offenders" will hardly miss.)

2. Baby farm. (There are more than 10,000 women in Texas prisons, most of them in their prime baby-bearing years. People needing surrogates might pay extra to have their babies carried to term in a controlled secure environment from which the birth mother would have a great deal of trouble claiming any sort of parental rights.)

3. Human dairy farm. (Cow milk is for baby cows!)

4. Charge spectators to stare at the mentally ill inmates, in the style of Bedlam. (Not sure about this one-we can get the same for free at a State Board of Education meeting.)

5. Medical testing facility. (Big pharma, among others, would pay a great deal of money for unfettered access to a captive audience without that pesky FDA looking over their shoulders.)

6. Crash-test facility. (Who needs dummies?)

7. Chemical warfare testing facility.

8. Soylent Green plant. (It's people, you know.)

That's all I can think of right now. Tell me in comments what I've missed.