Stupid Lawyer-Email Disclaimer

 Posted on July 17, 2014 in Uncategorized

I noticed this at the bottom of an email from a lawyer on a First Amendment civil case (he's suing, I'm defending):

NOTICE OF DISCLAIMERS & CONTRACTUAL AGREEMENT NOT TO REMOVE DISCLAIMERS:This communication and any files or attachments transmitted with it are confidential, may be legally privileged, and are intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to which they are addressed. Because this type of communication may not be secure, can be made spontaneously, and/or is frequently treated informally, I do not accept any responsibility or duty (other than that owned in the attorney-client relationship) for the contents of such communication. Simply, you are put on notice that I do not guarantee that this communication has any accuracy whatsoever; being on such notice and for the consideration stated below, you contractually agree that I am not liable for any damage connected with this communication whether it is actual, contractual, compensatory, restitutionary, punitive, imaginary, etc. Make a formal request in writing via certified mail to the above address if this communication needs to be verified. Please notify me immediately if you have received this communication by mistake and delete it from your system. If you are not the intended recipient you are notified that altering, disclosing, copying, distributing, or taking any action in reliance on the contents of this communication is strictly prohibited and may be a criminal offense. If you are the intended recipient or receive this communication intentionally by the intended recipient, subject to Texas Rule of Evidence (including rule 408) you are granted express consent to disclose, copy, and/or distribute this communication. In return, you agree to not alter it, for example, by removing any of these disclaimers. In violation thereof, you agree to (1) be personally liable for a minimal of $15,000 in liquidated damages, reasonable attorney fees, and court costs in collecting these damages; and (2) Texas being the appropriate jurisdiction, that its laws prevail, and Harris County being the appropriate venue. The Internal Revenue Service rules require that I advise you that the tax advice, if any, contained in this message was not intended or written to be used by you, and cannot be used by you, for the purposes of (1) avoiding penalties under the Internal Revenue Code; or (2) promoting, marketing or recommending to an other party any transaction or matter addressed herein.

Pretentious civil-lawyer stupidity makes my brain hurt.

(See also.)