Who Am I Not?

 Posted on January 26, 2008 in Uncategorized

It's been pointed out to me by anonymous commenters at Life at the Harris County Criminal Justice Center that I'm no Dan Cogdell, I'm no Racehorse Haynes, I'm no Gerald Goldstein, and I'm no Pat McCann. Because, of course, I used to believe that I was - and hold myself out as - Dan, Race, Gerry, and Pat. So I'm glad AHCL's kind anonymous commenters have cleared up some of my identity issues.

Once it was explained to me that I'm not any of those fine lawyers, I started thinking about who else I might not be. To begin with, I suspected that I might be no Stan Schneider, Michael Pham, Mike Ramsey, Walter Boyd, Norm Silverman, or any other Houston criminal-defense lawyer.

It didn't take much investigation to confirm this suspicion.

More than that, though, I guessed that I'm no Chuck Rosenthal, Kelly Siegler, Rob Freyer, Mike Trent, Murray Newman... hell, I realized, it's pretty safe to say that if there is a criminal lawyer in Houston with a name other than Mark Bennett, I'm not he or she.

Then it occurred to me that the list of people I'm not might actually include some outside of Houston criminal law.

So, after further research, I no longer insist that you call me Ishmael.

I no longer harbor the belief that I'm a Jack Kennedy. Unlike Chuck Rosenthal and Louis XIV, I am not the state (and I never was); nor am I the law.

While I think, therefore I am (or, as Vic might say, I believe that I believe, therefore I believe that I am), I realize that I am not that I am. To the contrary I am (as Rudy Giuliani might say) no altar boy.

I'm pretty sure I'm not David or Sam, whoever they are. Sam-I-Am? No!

I am not America (and neither can you). I, not robot.

I realize now that I am not woman; don't hear me roar.

Whoever is John Galt, it is not I.

Sadly, I've come to understand that I am neither a little teapot, nor the walrus, nor even a rock. I am not a dancer. I am not Shakespeare. I am no Denzel; I am not even McLovin.

Lastly, I wish it weren't true, but I am not legend.

And that's the way it was, Friday, January 25th, 2008. Good night.